Will You Cry or Will You Fight?

Have you ever had a day best described as a day of tears?

I had one such day last week, and it wasn’t pleasant.

It seemed no matter which way I turned I encountered obstacles. Every time I tried to accomplish something, I ran into one brick wall or another.

It was frustrating. I had so many items to check off my list and I couldn’t seem to accomplish even one of those things.

And that list! It felt more fluid than solid. I wasn’t even sure that I had the right things on my list in the first place.

I wanted to feel joyful. Excited. Peaceful.

Instead, my mind felt like jello and my fingers like clay every time I exerted the least bit of effort to cross just one thing off my list.

So, I closed my computer and laid down my pen. I went on walks, trying to clear my head. I complained to God about my lack. I begged a friend to pray for me.

And I cried.

All day.

That’s not normal for me. I couldn’t understand myself, my reluctance, or my tears.

It wasn’t just the sense of failure to accomplish my goal.

It wasn’t only the uncertainty about the steps I needed to take to get my book successfully into the world.

It wasn’t even the fact that so often I feel too insignificant and inept to learn new things like marketing a book.

As I walked, it began to dawn on me that my problem was more than physical and academic inadequacies. I was engaged in a spiritual battle. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew Satan was trying to stall me and make me give up on this last mile of the marathon.

Then I remembered the messages I’d been receiving from members of my launch team who were reading my words and identifying with them because of their own loss. Losses I had not known about until now.

I was grieving. Not just for myself, but for each person who was running through my mind who had lost someone special.

For family members gone before me who have suffered so much more than I have myself.

I was also carrying in my heart the grief of those around me who are still in the early years of loss.

For the mother whose teenage son lies motionless in a hospital bed, wondering if she will ever see his eyes and his smile again, and the one who found her very small son at the bottom of the swimming pool the other day.

I wanted to scoop everyone into my arms and comfort them. I wanted to tell them it will be ok, that Jesus is carrying them even when they feel like he’s far away. Maybe my story will do that. It’s possible someone will decide to run to Jesus with their heartache because of my testimony.

And just maybe that is why I was up against a wall, with tears running down my face…

As the cause of the battle before me becomes clear, I am determined to stand up and fight. I cannot and I will not let Satan win!

I suspect that I am not the only one who has had a day like this, nor am I alone in facing attacks from the Enemy. Your battleground is likely in a different area than mine, but the tactics of Satan are the same. He doesn’t want our Mighty God to be exalted in our lives. He would like to see us cowering in the corner, not boldly and cheerfully proclaiming the gift of a life-giving relationship with Jesus. And so, he quietly paces, circling us, and sometimes he roars, trying to intimidate and paralyze us.

But God.

I love those two words. They change everything for us.

God encourages us to stand strong, not in our own strength, but in His mighty power. He has given us both armor and a weapon for times like these. He wants us to make use of them and stand firm against the strategies of the devil. He wants us to fight. And He promises that when the battle is over, we will still be standing firm if we use what He has provided for us.

So today, the tears are over, and the pen is back in my hand. I am thanking God for giving me all that I need to be able to stand and fight rather than go down in defeat. I may not do this perfectly, but I have Someone on my side who can turn my mistakes into successes.

If He is your God, He has supplied you with all you need to stand and fight, too. And win!

What a good feeling it will be to find ourselves on the winning side when the battle is over…

 

“Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.

For we are not fighting against flesh- and- blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities in the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.” Ephesians 6:10-13