July 30 was coming up. It was often at the edges of my mind and this morning it seemed to want to demand center stage. I gave in to the stirring in my soul and started down memory lane.
It would soon be twenty-one years since that fateful day when Connie went to be with Jesus. Could it really be that long ago? And yet, it seemed forever ago that I cuddled her…
As I pondered that day, almost immediately the phrase “I am about to do a new thing” came to mind.
A new thing? How did that relate to Connie’s death?
I knew it was part of a verse. I grabbed my phone to do a quick search. And I read, “Do not remember the former things or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, rivers in the desert…. To give drink to my people, my chosen. The people whom I formed for myself will make known my praise.” Isaiah 43:18-20
My grieving mother heart pushed back at the “not remembering the former things, or pondering the things of the past”. How could I be told not to remember my daughter who is no longer with me but whom I still love so dearly?
On the other hand, that date did hold some very important, very special memories too.
The stirring in my soul deepened. And as I read and reread the verses, it all came together. I was filled with conflicting emotions but the one that superseded all the others was a resounding, “Yes”!
July 30 will always hold a bit of sadness to it. But it was also a day filled with joy, when exactly three years later, I stepped off a 12hr flight and onto Chinese soil, rather wobbly-legged and with the sound of the jet engines still ringing in my ears. I could hardly contain my excitement. In three days I would hold my new little girl in my arms.
I realize that God is not telling me to forget the daughter I buried so many years ago. Nor is he saying my adopted daughter has taken her place.
But he has done so many new things in my heart since he took one daughter and 3 years later, gave me another to love and care for as my own. He has truly made a road in the wilderness and rivers in my desert places. The day I first cuddled Carinda to my chest was like taking a long cold drink of water after wandering in that sorrowful desert for so many days.
And my heart is full of praise this day!