I made my way around the kitchen this morning with a dark cloud in my head and a rock in my chest. These two unwanted visitors have sapped my desire to see the good in this day. They have also stolen my joy.
I walked restlessly from the kitchen window to the living room window and back again, coffee in hand. I stared out across the familiar landscape, and from a place of deep frustration, I wailed, “Lord I can’t do this! I’m not smart enough. I’m not even sure if this was your idea in the first place, or just mine. Please! Just let me walk away from it.”
I sighed as the cloud darkened the rock became heavier.
“Or else give me clarity,” I begged, as I continued to pace. No clarity came. Just fear and doubt.
I sat down to have my quiet time, but I didn’t feel the usual anticipation and joy. I sighed again.
“Lord please can I just throw in the towel? My days would be so much more restful. I’m too old to do new things!” I was whining. My words sounded pathetic to my own ears.
“Faithful is he who has called you: he will also bring it to pass.”
“But Lord,” I started to say, then stopped. This was going nowhere.
I reached for my little devotional book. Maybe it would bring release. Or relief?
My eyes took in the first sentence.
“You have got to be kidding!”, I muttered in disbelief.
“Hold my hand and trust.”
I sat in silence for several minutes, letting the words soak into my soul.
“OK Lord. OK.”
And now, the dark cloud is slowly turning into a mist. The rock feels more like a pebble now. I can’t say I have perfect clarity, but I do feel a sense of peace. The joy is starting to seep back into my soul.
Maybe you can relate to my struggle?
Maybe there is something you need to do that you feel is just too hard. Or the path ahead is just confusing and you long to make sense of it.
It seems God feels it is necessary to stretch us once in a while. It is for our good. And our growth. But it usually isn’t a very comfortable feeling. And I like comfortable.
However, I also like to grow. So, it seems I have to choose. And past experience has proved that it’s best to say “yes” to him. To not fight it.
Because faithful is he who has called you…