Caught in the Messy Middle

I huddled dejectedly in the corner of the living room couch, listening to the voice instructing me through the speaker of my phone. I was completely overwhelmed by all I “needed” to do to become an author.

No, not an author, a successful author.

It was too much. I’d already struggled for many days about simply writing my story. But I also wanted to say “yes” to what God was nudging me to do.

So, I gathered up my courage, and wrote my story out of obedience, praying it would be a testimony to the goodness of God.

I sighed with a mixture of relief and apprehension when it was finished, and I could hand it off to my editor. I just wanted to complete my assignment, to publish my book.

Now I am plunged deep into another completely foreign world, and frankly, it scares me out of my wits.

I am not a woman with professional letters behind my name. Nor do I have the gift of communicating aloud.

And I most certainly cannot understand half the technology lingo they are telling me I “need” to know.

Who do I think I am?

Well, I know one thing. I am not the person “they” describe as a successful author.

What have I gotten myself into?

As I ponder my predicament, Moses comes to mind, and I have never in my life felt so sorry for the man! I completely understand his reluctance and his horror at God’s revelation of an outrageous plan; that Moses would bring the people out of Egypt.

I applaud Moses for being obedient. He did what God had assigned him to do, and after many headaches and a lot of stress, he got the people of Israel out of the land of Egypt and into the desert. They were on their way.

But then problems started cropping up. They needed water. They needed food. They had enemies to fight. They needed him to settle arguments and mete out justice among the people.

Day after day after day.

I doubt it was what he imagined when he begrudgingly agreed to God’s plan back there at the burning bush.

By the time he was in the middle of the wilderness, however, he was like me. In too deep to back out. No way to go, but through it.

Caught in the messy middle.

Oftentimes the middle of a situation is the hardest place to be. It feels like a place of no relief, especially if you are not sure how long you will be there or what the end is going to look like exactly.

I decided that I needed to look at the story of Moses again, so I took up my Bible to read some of his “middle” stories. I knew his father-in-law, Jethro, came to visit and gave him great advice. I thought maybe by reading the account I would find some nugget to help me through my own messy middle.

I never got to the story of Jethro because a few verses in the previous chapter stood out so vividly, I couldn’t read past them. They are as follows.

“Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.” Ex. 17:12-13

As I read these verses, the faces of my friends appeared in my mind’s eye, and God reminded me how one after another they have been holding up my arms when I feel too tired to go on.

One calls repeatedly, to remind me that she is praying for me.

Another gently critiques my work, helping me craft my writing into the best it can be.

Yet another listens patiently as I wail, wallowing in self-pity and discouragement. When I finally shut my mouth, she tells it to me straight, helping me to reorient my thinking to God’s truth, not my own faulty emotions.

To the friends who so often steady my tired arms, I want to say thank you.

While it is true that no one can save me from my messy middle, I find comfort in the fact I am not totally alone in my mystifying wilderness. With your help, I will overwhelm the enemy and find enough energy to take the next step. And one day I will make it out of this middle and stand on the other side of the wilderness.

As gratefulness for the blessing of my friends fills my heart, the Spirit brings a question to mind. I wonder, is there anyone who would benefit from my willingness to step next to her, take hold of her arm, aiding her in her private battle?

Is there anyone you could do that for?

Because I suspect I am not the only one.

I have a feeling there are others out there who, like me, are caught in the messy middle of life, longing for support. And Jesus did say that is what we are here for.

To love others as ourselves. To steady their tired arms and support them in the wilderness.

If we do that, how incredibly satisfying it will be to stand side by side, victoriously, gazing back over the wilderness we have crossed. Together.

We might even be able to laugh sheepishly as we see the end result of the messy middle we stress about today.

If only I could remember that on days like these!