Does silence have a sound? I’ve been ruminating on this question for the past few days. In doing so, the saying, “Silence is golden,” came to mind, and it takes me back to the days when I had little children around me all day and the only time I could hear myself think was at night when they were in bed and the house was silent. In those days, in that setting, silence truly was golden.
But the true meaning of the saying holds the idea that it is often better to keep silent than to speak. Proverbs 13:3 speaks to that. “Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.”
There are certainly times when it is the better part of wisdom to keep our mouths shut. Some things, however true they may be, just do not need to be voiced. Sometimes your own thought on the matter being discussed is just not that important. It is good to keep silent and listen and learn from the wise words of others. I get that.
But have you ever walked into a room and the conversation suddenly stopped? Folks glance at each other and then begin to inspect the carpet, the walls, their fingernails, looking anywhere but at you until someone makes an awkward attempt to start a new conversation. The experience leaves you feeling alone and uncertain of your value in the group. In those moments the silence is deafening. And it is not golden at all.
While that kind of silence is unpleasant, and sometimes damaging to our emotions, it is not the kind of silence that bothers me most.
I’ve been thinking about the words that we never say. The words of others that we never hear because we do not stop and listen. The nuggets of wisdom that stay hidden in a quiet soul because we do not draw them out. Or the song on the shelf, whose words are stuffed down deep in the heart of one that is not brave enough to share it. And every so often, the apology we do not offer.
We are surrounded by people every time we step beyond the doors of our homes; at our jobs, when we go to the mall, or on Sunday morning worship services, yet I am amazed at how often we send messages to each other through our actions that show we do not want to communicate. We easily close ourselves off from each other. And the silence commands us to be quiet.
I was guilty of this exact thing on one of my trips to Texas last year. I got onto the airplane and put in my earbuds so the person next to me got the message that I wanted to be left to myself. The flight had barely taken off when the voice of Jesus started speaking to me and, sighing, I removed my earbuds. Sure enough, soon I was engaged in conversation with an older woman in the seat next to mine, one that was well worth my time.
But she needed to see that she was allowed to break the silence between us.
Sometimes a friendly hello is all that needs to be said to break the walls of isolation and make someone’s day a little brighter. But to truly penetrate the wall of silence we usually need to be more intentional in our relationships and conversations.
A few days ago, Andrew was telling me of a conversation that he held with a friend and in their conversation, he asked her to convey a message for him to another person. Her answer was, “Why don’t you call or text him yourself? It would probably mean more to him than if I told him?”
Hearing those words sends an arrow deep into my heart. It bothers my conscience. A lot. Why are we silent when it comes to simple things like reaching out to another by way of text or phone call, or better yet a visit in person, especially when we know someone is going through difficult times or hurting because of a broken relationship? Today we have greater ease of communication than the world has ever known. And instead of using it to bless and encourage others, too often we go silently on our way, busy with our own thoughts and interests and the other person has no idea that they mean anything to us. Our silence is giving them a message, one that says we don’t really care. The relationship is not worth fighting for.
Our silence may or may not be intentional. Either way, the person walks through their days, feeling alone, thinking they do not matter. I know because I have been that person. And when you are in that place the silence roars.
I have a strong yearning in my heart to somehow find ways to break through the barriers and touch the rejected ones, the lonely, and the broken in this world, silencing the awful sound of silence in their souls.
Jesus said the whole law and the prophets are fulfilled in this one command: that you love the Lord your God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. He also said to “love others as I have loved you.” Jesus did not put his earbuds in like I did. Nor did he give messages second-hand when he could reach out and give them himself. He took every opportunity to show people that he was there for them. He was in their corner; they were not alone.
I think he wants us to do the same. Only then will we break through the deafening noise of silence.