I needed a break from the emotional aftermath of my writing today, so I decided to relax with a light movie. I stretched out on my bed, jammed some pillows behind my back, and pushed ‘Play’ on the remote, hoping to dispel the sense of sadness that still pervaded the edges of my mind.
All was going well until I reached a scene where an individual was sitting on a bench in the dark, anguish seen on his face. Fear was holding him back from something he desperately wanted.
Without warning, my fear of water flashed before my eyes. In that instant, I went from being the observer of a struggle to the person who is in the struggle.
I have a love/hate relationship with water. I love to sit by the water, to swirl my feet in its coolness. I even enjoy jumping into the water, so long as I am perfectly sure that the water is not more than chest-deep. And the odd thing is, I can swim in water that I know is not over said depth.
But I am terrified of deep water. Even with a life jacket on, I have known the feeling of panic when I drift out far enough that my toes cannot scrape the bottom of the lake. I would never want someone to try to teach me to swim for fear that my panic would drown us both.
I have lost both my brother and my daughter to drowning, along with several other distant relatives. You would think I would want to learn to swim, if for no other reason than to escape being added to that long line of swimming casualties. And I do. I really do!
But my fear overpowers my desire to learn. As a result, I sit on the sidelines, watching the others swimming, diving, “treading water” (whatever that is!) enjoying something that I am too afraid to try.
My fear is debilitating. Paralyzing. And I feel shame. Shame that I cannot put mind over matter and learn the art of swimming. Shame that something which is apparently so easy for others to master is beyond me. This shame then makes me want to hide, to avoid places and situations that will make me feel, at the very least, uncomfortable, if not, absolutely terrified.
There is only one person in this world that I would trust to teach me how to swim should I ever become brave enough to try, and that is my son-in-law, James. He is so comfortable in the water that I sometimes expect to find scales and fins growing on him. He’s also been trained to handle a crisis in the water. If I panicked during a lesson with him, I have confidence that he would handle the situation, should I try to drown us.
As humans, we all experience some form of fear from time to time. It’s part of the curse of sin. Why else would God have to repeat over and over “Do not be afraid?”
In this moment of revelation, I most certainly can relate. Can’t we all?
Moses heard these words from God’s own voice, admonishing him time and time again, “Do not be afraid.”
Joshua was reminded so often that he must have heard it even in his dreams at night.
Jesus had these words on “auto-repeat” when conversing with his disciples.
It really doesn’t matter in the long run whether I can swim or not, since I am not a fish. I don’t need to be able to swim to survive if I stay on dry land!
But what about the fears that have greater consequences than just feeling left out of the fun? What about the paralyzing fear that keeps us from doing what we are called to do? Or the anxiety we feel deep in our gut that causes us to say “No” to a prompting from God’s Holy Spirit? These are much bigger fears.
And they hold us back from greater opportunities. They keep us from walking in obedience and its blessings. They also make us feel shame.
Ashamed that we are not strong enough to say “Yes,” we sit on the couch and cry in frustration.
Ashamed that we lack the courage to step out in obedience, we pace the floor, trying to convince ourselves and the Lord that we are not the best person for the job.
The tears flow as we listen to the devil whisper words of accusation and we unwillingly, and sometimes unwittingly align ourselves with his lies. Fear and shame leave us longing to be able to do what we know we should do but we are too, well, afraid!
There is only one person that I know who can help us overcome the fear and shame that want to entangle us, making us ineffective and unable to do what God has planned for us to do. And that is Jesus.
“Don’t be afraid. Take courage! I am here!” These words falling from Jesus’ lips to his disciples’ ears are for us today too! Just like the disciples, we do face terrifying situations at times. And Jesus knows we will feel fear in those moments. But instead of giving in to fear, he wants us to remember that he is with us. He calls us to take up our courage. His words remind me of another verse I read recently.
“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord, your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deut. 31:6
Doesn’t it make you want to take God up on his offer?
Wouldn’t it be lovely to be the Moses or the Joshua of our day, moving forward, carrying out the orders of the One who knows exactly how much to ask of us?
He won’t fail you. Or, worse, abandon you. That’s his promise and no one is more trustworthy than Jesus.
I feel inspired now to take up my courage and embrace the plans that God has ordained for me since the beginning of time. I hope you do too.
And maybe, just maybe, one day we will find that we are able to swim with the best of them!